By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i will never coherently bang her
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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