he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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