Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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