I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
