Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Randomize
