What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
