He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
did i walk over a car last night?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
