It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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