i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
