i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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