She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
