TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Randomize
