Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
