Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
