Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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