You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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