I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
