I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
