That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
