and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
