i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
