We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
