long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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