I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
