Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Do you still have your period?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
