things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i wish my penis had a tongue
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
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