well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
