I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
