I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
