I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
