This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
