Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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