I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
