Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
This house was built for laser tag.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
