k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
