They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
