im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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