The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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