The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
