its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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