Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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