therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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