if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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