My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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