I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
