i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Alive.
So much puke
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
