I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
