It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I can't turn off my feet"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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