it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
