I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
